You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize