Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
