I love how my cats smell like pot.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
