My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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