I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
