dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
