just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
