paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
