he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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