Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
