Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
