im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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