imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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