I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize