I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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