Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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