i think my tv is drunk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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