i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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