yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
