During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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