well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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