U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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