I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
