Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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