Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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