Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
