well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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