She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
