You work out of a Hotel?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
