i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How does one acquire holy water?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
