Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Couch. On fire.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
