In the future we'll all be gay
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dicks are not precious.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
