ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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