its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
