So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
