i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tell your sister to shave her snatch
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
