i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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