hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
