Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
