This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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