Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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