well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
