you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
