There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
