then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
