I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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