i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize