i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
