I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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