I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
