The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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