I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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