I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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