Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If that was your dad, he is hot
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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