she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
