Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
