shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
