Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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