Porn is love you can see.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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