I haven't been this sober since birth.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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