It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
