I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
