Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
