just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
