Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
