I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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