a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
