He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
