so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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