I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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