Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
