God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
