did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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