I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
