I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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