Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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