Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had sex on a roof
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize