So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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