the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
