they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
