I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
