Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
