margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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