you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
