so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
