I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
