I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We talked him into tasing himself.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In other news, I just burned my penis
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize