We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
