i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
