I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
