last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You need Xanax blowdarts
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
