If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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