Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
