If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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