i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
