I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
