I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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