What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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