apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
