I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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