You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
