Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
