Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
