I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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