dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
